Bells Are A Bear
by Lou Nebin
Summary: Team Mustang embarks on an 'extremely difficult and potentially dangerous' training mission. Challenge Fic.! Rated T for language.


**Quick Author's Note: This is a challenge with mebh, Disastergirl, Thousand Sunny Lyons, Megami Ze, and whoever else to the theme of a) bell and b) revenge. It was supposed to be humor (is crack funny enough?) and in the area of 500-1000 words (totally went over at 2091... whoops) It was also deadlined for last Friday (Damn, I'm breaking all the rules..)**

**Honestly, I had this written on Friday but, since I have to work really long days, I wasn't able to get on my computer to post it. I have a day off tomorrow, thankfully. So, I'm soooo sorry that I'm late with this.**

**Anyhoo, this is completely un-betaed, no surprise, and I was falling asleep while I was editing it, so I apologize for the typos.**

**A big THANK YOU to my buddy BoBo who actually gave me the idea for this fic., the ending is for him!**

** I hope you enjoy this! **

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><p>Edward Elric lounged in the cool grass outside of his tent. His red coat was folded haphazardly and thrown under his head, as a makeshift pillow, and he held a book in his automail hand. Colonel Mustang had left the campsite earlier with Lieutenant Hawkeye to hunt and he was doing his best to enjoy the little time he would get away from him for the next week.<p>

A crack came from behind his head and looked to see his brother appearing from the trees at the edge of the clearing they were in. "Hey Al, Where ya been?" Alphonse Elric walked to the center of the clearing and dropped some wood in, what looked like, a fire pit.

"I went to get some wood for tonight, Brother. It'll probably get cold once the sun goes down and I'm sure Colonel Mustang will want to start a fire."

Ed nodded, "Good idea."

The brothers both turned when they heard a rustling from behind them. Lieutenants Havoc and Breda ducked out of their tent laughing, both carrying large fishing poles and a tackle box. Havoc looked in their direction as he popped a cigarette in his mouth. "Hey, boys. We're going fishing. Wanna come?"

"Nah, I'm going to read," Edward said before picking his jacket up and shaking it out, "I want enjoy my bastard free time before I have to spend the next six days going through 'extremely difficult and potentially dangerous' training scenarios." His fingers formed quote marks in the air as he quoted the exact way the Mustang had approached him with his order to accompany them. Breda laughed, "Dangerous training. Ha ha. Colonel Mustang uses these 'training missions' as an excuse to vacation. He says it's 'team building'."

"Yeah," Havoc chimed in, "Basically, the Colonel and Lieutenant disappear for a few hours and pretend that they're hunting. The rest of us hide out near the river fishing and drinking, Fuery and Falman are already there. Sometimes we all go hiking. We meet up here at night and sit around the campfire making up scary stories of our quote, unquote experiences out here."

"What? You mean we didn't have to come?"

"Well, no, that's not what I mean. Technically, you are part of the team. It wouldn't look right if he only brought us along."

"Well, I would like to go fishing, "Al said. 'Would you mind if I tagged along?"

"Sure kid. Fuery and Falman probably haven't caught anything, yet. Maybe we could open your armor up and just let the fish swim inside." Breda and Al started laughing before Havoc turned back towards Ed with a smirk on his face. "Oh, Chief. Could you do us a favor?"

"Sure."

"Well, we probably won't be back until dark. Could you make sure all of the food is put away so that the bears don't get it

Edward's eyes widened. "Bears?"

"Yeah, they like to get into the food when we're all sleeping. Thanks!" Ed watched as Havoc waved a hand in his direction and the three hurried away, Breda and Havoc laughing. He didn't know there would be bears out here.

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><p>"Sir, where are you going?" Riza Hawkeye's voice was flat and sounded of mild annoyance.<p>

"To the clearing, Lieutenant. It's this way."

"I'm not falling for that trick again, Sir. The clearing is just through those trees." she turned and started walking the way to the campsite, leaving him behind. A ghost of a smile formed on her lips when she heard him running behind her to catch up, muttering something about her being no fun.

"If you don't stop screwing around, Sir, we're going to lose dinner."

"No we won't. The snake is dead and I've tied the bag off. He's not going anywhere." The Lieutenant sighed, "Need I remind you that your screwing around is why we only got a snake In the first place?"

"Hey! It's a damn good snake! Besides, I didn't hear you complaining earli...what in the hell?" Colonel Roy Mustang nearly dropped his snake as the clearing came into view. The first thing visible was a thick rope tied to the trees with a transmuted bell on it. The Colonel and Lieutenant stepped over it and moved further inside the clearing only to see Edward in the process of transmuting a piece of metal, presumably into another bell. Mustang dropped his canvas bag, containing the dead snake, next to the fire pit as Hawkeye moved to put her rifle away.

"What in the he'll are you up to, FullMetal?" Edward continued working, until he finished his bell, before answering, "This is to alert us of the bears at night. If one comes and tries to get Into our food, it will walk right into these ropes and ring the bells to wake us up." Edward seemed proud of his idea, if the smug smirk on his face was any indication, and the young Colonel raised an eyebrow. "Bears?"

"Yeah, bears. Are you deaf? Lieutenant Havoc said that they like to get into the food. Good idea, huh, Mustang."

Lieutenant Hawkeye stepped out of her tent as her commander started laughing.

"Surely you know that bears are confined to the South. The worst you'll find out here are coyotes, and they won't bother you unless you bother them. Stop laughing, Sir. That was a horrible joke." Mustang's laughter died down but his expression was still amused.

"That was a brilliant joke, Lieutenant." His attention turned to Edward who was visibly seething. "What are you going to do about it, FullMetal?" A smirk settled in on Ed's face when he figured out the subtle message in the Colonel's words.

"I'm not sure, yet,' he started, slowly, "For now, let's just make them think that I still believe them."

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><p>Riza Hawkeye wasn't sure what time it was when a rustling next to her woke her up. She rolled her eyes behind her still closed lids. Her commanding officer was up to another one of his infamous pranks, the same thing he did every year.<p>

"Don't you think that thirty is a little old for pranks?" Her whisper startled him, when she spoke. He thought she was still asleep.

"Trust me, Riza, if Ed's payback is what I think it will be, you'll be just as grateful for what I'm about to do." And with that, he zipped the tent back up. She had a feeling that it was going to be a long night.

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><p>The night, outside of the borrowed tent, was still and quiet. A sure indication that everyone had turned in for the night.<p>

_Perfect_, Ed thought. His smirk was almost visible in the dark as he opened the tent and went to step out, only to have his brother stop him. "Brother, I think you should just let this go."

"Absolutely not, Al! These guys deserve every bit of what's coming to them."

"Lieutenant Hawkeye and Colonel Mustang don't."

"Colonel Bastard deserves it as much and the others, if not more. Lieutenant Hawkeye, well, I'll apologize after." Al resigned.

"I'm not going to help you."

"Fine." Ed turned on his heel and walked to the closest tree, only to find his contraption wasn't there. "What the..." His voice trailed off when the moonlight bounced off of something above his head. A snicker was heard from behind him and he spun around to see his brother in front of their tent.

"That Bastard Colonel!" Ed hissed, trying to keep his voice down. The strings of bells were tied higher, just out of reach of an average human, on the tree.

"There's only one person who could have done this, and I bet you he's just in his tent, laughing his ass off, saying _'Oh poor little Edward. He'll probably needs help getting those bells down because he's so short that even a bear cub will need a magnifying glass to see him._" Edward stopped his whisper rant at the sound of his brothers laughing "What's so funny," he snapped as he whipped around to face him.

"You called yourself short" Edward growled, very low and menacing, and turned back to his bells. "How do you know it was Colonel Mustang that moved them, Brother? Couldn't someone else have done it?"

"No. After I tied the the knots, I used alchemy to make them stronger. Colonel Mustang is the only other alchemist here aside from you, and you wouldn't do this." A smirk crossed eds face when he thought of something. "Hey, give me a boost, would you?"

"No, brother! I told you that I wanted nothing to do with this"

"Fine, " Ed muttered. "I'll get up there myself."

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><p><em><strong>BRRRRIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGG. BBBBRRRRIIIINNNNNNGGG.<strong>_

Havoc was jolted awake by the sound of multiple bells ringing. He turned on his side, his arm automatically flying over to what was next to him to shut his alarm off. At least, that's what he thought it was until his palm connected with Breda's nose.

"GAH! Havoc! What the hell was that for?" Havoc's eyes shot open at Breda's yell and he jolted upright, scrambling to help his friend.

"Ah, man! I'm sorry, I thought that was an alarm! Did I break it?"

"No, I think it's okay. What is that noise, anyways."

"Probably Ed's bear trap." As soon as the words came out of the Second Lieutenant's mouth, they exchanged a glance and scrambled to grab their weapons and get out. Breda retrieved his gun from under his pillow but tripped over his sleeping bag, in his haste, and crashed into Havoc who was unzipping their tent. Both of them tumbled out into the early morning light, only to be greeted with six pairs of eyes on them.

"Get off of me, Fatso!" Havoc yelled. Breda rolled off of him and both men stood, taking in their surroundings.

Not a single person out there was happy. Falman and Fuery were both peaking out of there tents door, as if they thought it was a bear and decided to hide. Mustang and Hawkeye both stood outside of theirs. Hawkeye had her rifle slung over her shoulder and a look of mild annoyance on her face. Mustang looked torn between seething and amused. Alphonse was propped up next to the tent, shared by his brother, who was currently sitting on a tree limb rattling every bell on every rope, a smirk glued to his face.

"What the hell are you doing?" Havoc exclaimed.

"Payback's a bitch, huh Lieutenant Havoc?" Edward continued to ring the bells as he spoke.

Finally annoyed with the entire thing, Hawkeye pulled a handgun from a hiding spot and shot a the bark beneath his butt. The bells stopped ringing when the shot caused Ed to fall off the branch and catch himself on the rope closest to him. He swung his automail leg over the rope and held on with his automail arm.

"Enough with the pranks, all of you. If we have to spend the rest of the week together, then this needs to end now." Hawkeye's voice was stern but she didn't yell. She turned on her heel and returned back into her tent, a signal that made everyone else do the same, leaving Ed hanging on the rope.

"Hey! Is any one going to help me? I can't get down." His only answer was the back of five heads. He closed his eyes and let his head fall. "Dammit," he moaned. The sound of chalk below him opened his eyes just in time to see Mustang rising up eye level with the rope. Before a word could be said, Mustang grabbed his automail leg in one hand and the closest bell in another. Only to late had Ed noticed that the Colonel had his gloves on.

"What're you..." his question was halted when Mustang snapped and a small, hot flame shot out from between his fingers and landed between the bell and the leg, burning a hole in his pants. They glowed red for a moment and the next thing Ed knew, the Colonel was gone into his tent, leaving the step, that was made, behind. Ed tried to get down but his automail leg was stuck on something. The bell rang loudly again as he kicked his leg a couple of times and tried to squirm free, he finally figured out what the Colonel had done. He melded the bell to his leg! Ed dropped allowing himself to hang upside down with his fingers grazing the step below him. "YOU BASTARD!"

**Not my best work. Reviews are appreciated! Thanks for reading!**


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